A Word from my Sponsors (United Western Kufar) on Polio Vaccines

I guess the cat’s out of the bag, so I might as well embrace my identity. Hey, a dozen angry emails in full caps, can’t possibly be wrong!


The cancer of conspiracy theories has officially invaded a sector I hold quite dear: public health.

Back in Feburary, there was the glorious report by Muba-shit Luqman about expired polio vaccines causing people to develop polio. Surely a person as pitifully dim as Luqman cannot be expected to spend four and a half minutes on Wikipedia to find out how vaccines work. Polio vaccine is a weakened virus that is expected to activate the body’s immune system against the actual polio virus, if it ever comes along. Because it is weakened, it causes no symptoms of Polio to develop.

When the vaccine becomes expired, that weakened virus dies (if the word “expired” is any indication). Dead men don’t tell tales and dead viruses don’t cause diseases.

But knowing that it’s Pakistan, you KNOW it gets better!

Maulvi Ibrahim Chisti of Muzaffargarh surrounding rural area, has declared jihad against polio vaccination. He claims that it is a Western conspiracy (what isn’t these days) to make Pakistanis impotent, and he’s basing his claim on…nothing really. The polio vaccination team ran back to the city, leaving the kids unvaccinated.

The next child to develop polio in that region shall have a free pass to shove both his crutches up Chisti’s ass, from which these conspiracy theories emerge like unremitting diarrhea.

I can tell you, those who believe that polio vaccines cause impotency probably deserve to be impotent. The world could do a lot better without their progeny.

This has now become an all-out war against the health and social welfare of the Pakistani people. In a fair world, these people would be tied up in a public square as the families of polio patients line up to whack them with heavy construction equipment. In the real world, imprisonment should suffice.

    • Saeed
    • June 15th, 2012

    You should give the polio team some credit over here. They did come back with reinforcements, forcing the Mullah to flee.

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